Phone call:

Yeah he’ll be there. He’s bringing her too. Yeah, and they’ll be there with those guys. And then after they’re doing dinner at their place. Are you gonna drink before? With the people we hung out with last time? Oh, cool. Yeah, it shouldn’t be a big deal depending on what everyone wants to do after. Great, see you then.

Slotted in. People slotted into times and days like prescription pills. Dinner. House party. Concert. Swimming. Bar. Dance club. Lunch. Breakfast. Coffee. Bad sex. Work shift. Dentist appointment.

Filling time with faces. More faces on the phone screens in between times of seeing faces in front of your face. How much can you take? More? OK, here’s some more. Oh fuck, some of those people are actually creepy insane threatening pedophile drug fiend compulsive liar stinky breath monsters? I’m so sorry you had to interface with them.

Look at the same person for a very long time. Watch the way they chew their food. They way they cough; the way it sounds like it’s fake. The stupid sounds they make when they stretch. Their involuntary reactions to some of the things you say; the way it becomes predictable.

Deeply immerse yourself. Educate yourself on just how insufferably annoying human beings are. And yet, how you can’t seem to even fathom losing just one of them. But I challenge you to lose all of them. Imagine that life. Being the one with no one.

Every group you’ve ever hung out with makes up scenarios that involve you being left behind.

You’re the annoying one. The one who’s jokes are painful, whose laugh is overbearing, whose family is distant, whose teeth are crooked, whose job is boring, whose skin is splotchy, whose interests are dumb, whose opinions are wrong, whose “vibes are off.”

Try living with that reality for even a day. Couldn’t be me. Unironically, that couldn’t be me. And I feel guilty. And no I will not “give them a chance.” Someone more over-socialized and fucked in the brain will probably do that. But most likely not.